November 2005 Archives

I played bike messenger for Rine. Saw her at Rhinoceropolis and did what I always love to do: I confronted her with a bit of silliness: "May I make a mix cd for you and if so, what is the theme?". The theme, she told me, was, "Kitties.... or not", so I made a CD with song/artists that included either, "Cat" or, "Not". Clever enough to be silly. Perfect.

Delivered it after life drawing to her workplace, which closed at 10:00. I got there at eleven. A coworker, whom could be her stuntdouble told me I had to wait outside until, well, she came out. Which I basically did. Fun to see her. I hope to see her soon.

Been working on cross hatching. I don't really know how to do it, so, obviously, my next project will be focusing on it. Here's tonight's results:

20 minute pose:

5 minute poses:

Didn't have coffee, since the store was close. Feel very sleepy. Hopefully, I'll get up early and start to get some things done.

I'm sharing this because Jack specifically told me not to share this picture.

Went dancing yesterday. I started talking to the girl that is kissing Mr. Pacman in this very picture:

I didn't know that this was who she was, when I started talking to her.

I started conversation with her by putting a pair of sunglasses within her peripheral vision, and waiting for her to react. It's, what I do. When she noticed, I told her I wanted her picture, with the glasses on and that I was sending polaroids with people in them, wearing these glasses to someone I have never met. So we talked and danced and talked and danced and all that.

Set my camera down, danced some more. Went to get my camera back and it was stolen. Someone stole a polaroid camera. Found her again, because I was going to take another picture of her, have her write her address and ask her if it was alright if I sent her strange things in the mail. I told her my intent and we used an old receipt instead.

I have many, many packages to send out, filled with terribly strange things, to people I barely know, or have never met. It's something to look forward to.

When I have one second. When I'm not tied to this damn computer.

I got out of the club - not before I told Melissa I loved her and spent the rest of this late late night, riding my bicycle around in the terrible cold, leaving notes of unfettered love in one place and avoiding the cops, which I have a gift of being able to do and dropping by, unannounced, to a girl's house to see her new puppy and give back the key I won't be needing anymore.

I stayed the night, not wanting to be in the gallery that night - for whatever reason. Sometimes it's nice to just have one more night together - just spooning, just talking - no yelling or tears (well, not many) - none of that. Just to keep someone warm - if I can provide that for someone, for life: I may be completely satisfied with life.

I woke up almost too late to have Breakfast with Katie, but I made it. We went to the Asian market to buy eggs and the breakfast she created was lovely. She taught me the basics of knitting and we clucked up a storm, while knitting away, about art, philosophy, love and the like.

...I am escaping from a reformatory, taking tiny steps, frightened not at the idea of being caught but of being the prey of freedom; straddling the enormous prick of a blond legionnaire, I am carried twenty yards along the ramparts; not the handsome football player, nor his foot nor his shoe, but the ball, then ceasing to be the ball and becoming the, "kick-off", and I cease being that to become the idea that goes from the foot to the ball; in a cell, unknown thieves call me Jean; when at night I walk barefoot in my sandals across fields of snow at the Austrian border, I shall not flinch, but then, I say to myself, this painful moment must concur with the beauty of my life, I refuse to let this moment and all the others be waste matter; using their suffering I project myself to the mind's heaven. Some negroes are giving me food on the Bordeaux docks; a distinguished poet raises my hands to his forehead; a German soldier is killed in the Russian snows and his brother writes to inform me; a boy from Toulouse helps me ransack the rooms of the commissioned and non-commissioned officers of my regiment in Brest: he dies in prison; I am talking of someone-and while doing so, the time to smell roses, to hear one evening in prison the gang bound for the penal colony singing, to fall in love with a white-gloved acrobat-dead since the beginning of time, that is, fixed, for I refuse to live for any other end than the very one which I found to contain the first misfortune that my life must be a legend, in other words legible, and the reading of it must give birth to a certain new emotion which I call poetry. I am no longer anything, only a pretext.

- Jean Genet, The Thief's Journal

Made a promise to myself that I would work on art, actively - not, "think" about art, not be in a, "discussion" about art - but actually make art at least three hours a day, every day I'm at my studio. Started today at the Monday figure drawing class at the Temple Event Center. Had a good time. Working on cross hatching. Much improvement, even though I haven't done this in a month or more.

alex Beard was there. Said hello. Introduced myself to a very amazing girl who works at a coffee shop. Everytime I find a girl works at a coffee shop, my interest, "perks" - I'm absolutely, "addicted" to the noble barista and her, "aromas" - as they say.

Celia was the model. I have more nude drawings and paintings of Celia than any other person - living or dead. I think that is an incredible position for one to be in. This position is incredible for me at least.

alex Beard and I went to Tom's Diner for a late dinner. Locked the bike on a treetoutside one of the windows. Asked alex if we couldn't move closer to that window, so I could keep an eye on the bike. He had no problem with that. Within minutes, we saw four police officers absolutely destroy some 100lb crackhead, not 10 feet away from this new vantage point. Arrested him on the ground with a knee in his side, a club in the other and two other guys on top of him. Literally everyone in the diner got up, off there seats and watched the spectacle with us - even the cooks. Cops have been everywhere. Something's up.

We realized that our server was a friend of someone we both went to school with. We asked her how this friend is doing. Found out that she's been hanging around with a lying manipulative man. So what's new. This: They were going out for nine months, before she found out he was married. That he had twins during all of this. She's on drugs. Bad. She's overdrafting multiple bank accounts, worse. The guy hits her and she likes it. The guy lied about his very name, about most everthing about himself. But it's true love, She says. Not making this up. Completely out of control. Give's you perspective. I guess.

Biked to the store and saw a meteor go through the atmosphere: cresent shaped, hot blue/green - so hot, it's mostly white. Felt good about myself. Rode home, satisfied. This world isn't one that makes much sense, until you stop and think that you need to stop thinking.

It's so strange to be on the can, inspecting your thighs, making one tense up and see a large lump where there wasn't one before. You check the other thigh and sure enough, there's one there too. It's new muscle. "Hmm.", you think, "That was not there before." It's wild when a new lover grabs a piece of your chest and states, " this wasn't like this when we met! You have separation in your chest!", in elation. I don't really remember ever being able to grow so fast. I'm also not losing any fat; my cheeks don't appear sunken in and there's still a nice (little) pudge on my stomach. This is encouraging.

Very encouraging.