October 2005 Archives

When you go out with a pretty girl - they talk, oh how they talk.

Let them talk, let them talk.

(wanted poster by Mr Andrew Novick for his Dog The Bounty Hunter Halloween costume.)

For Halloween, Jack was Jesus and I was van Gogh.

Last year, Jack was the devil, I was Andy Warhol.

I don't think I've ever dressed up in so many costumes in one year - a quick rundown:

THE NEXT BIG THING

Andy Warhol (about a million times):

Snake Plissken from Escape From New York

- I even got some footage in the short film called something like, "Sid's Stalker":

My, "Father"

And some more - although I lack any photographic evidence of them.

I don't understand why some people dress in costume - and admit it - onlyonce a year. People should go crazy every day - they're wearing masks, if they like it or not.

I guess I'm one for constant change (9/2004):

Me, 9/2005:

And a year is just a blink.

I sometimes reflect back and ask myself, "Who am I?". It's good to do and I've personally been in a self-improvement phase. This means, I'm actively changing, "Who I am", hopefully for the better to be the person I want to be. It's how you follow your dreams: you just go go go and you never stop.

So, who am I? Some improvements I've been working on:

I'm twenty-four. I live in a gallery, off to the side of the main exhibition area. A small studio, I cram my bed for sleeping, my desk for working and the rest is space to create art.

I have many studio mates that also have their own studios. Eight that live here? I don't really know. Some people I don't talk to - not that I don't like them, they're just shy and that's fine. We're not perfect, but we attempt to share our own resources and food and chores and whatnot.

It's a great place to be, but I'm wishing I had a little more privacy. There's holes in my door, for gosh-sakes. I'm trying to figure out how to achieve privacy, without being seen as rude or dis-attached from other people in the gallery. I mostly stay up late and have the run of the place when everyone is sleeping. This isn't the best setup, because then I wake up late and it seems that the entire day is already gone, before I can start. I think I just have to be a better communicator.

I'm basically single. For the past year, I've had many lovely relationships with many different people. I've like some of these relationships more than others, but they've all been interesting and a learning experience, if only that. I think I may be in one now - silly me. I've realized that there's something inside me that is holding back in commiting to one person at the moment and I'm not sure what, so I've been trying to tell people I'm seeing how I'm feeling and making sure it's OK with them - that I'm trying things out and listening to my heart and figuring out what's best for me. It's slightly a confusing state for the other person, but I hope they understand. I'm a pretty confusing person as a base line. As for, what am I looking for? I don't know. I like my independence, but I want to give myself to someone. The best of both worlds. The last time I gave myself to someone they soon became everything they said they hated and broke communication with me. That's harsh, when all you want to do is work out what's in your mind and all they want you to do is not.

One thing I have been doing is attempting to be a bit better at my intra personal relationships. I think basically, people like other people that are: reliable and: honest. And, that's it! Say you're going to do something, and do it. It seems so simple, but it's not. Very strange. I've had trouble with that myself - in no way am I innocent. But I'm trying. There's many things you have to balance - what you want to do with what you can do; being honest with your intentions, thinking outside of your own feelings/wants/needs/desires; realizing that you don't need a pure reason to do anything and perhaps that's the point to do anything. Most of my long term goals don't have any concrete reason: the just seem like a trip in of themselves: going to Yale for graduate school in nine years, sailing across the Atlantic solo shortly after, biking to Denver with a bike you got at the DAV - whatever.

I have become car-less.

I did it because my last car wasn't very reliable and it wasn't worth fixing. I made the decision well before the insane rise in gas prices. It now doesn't directly affect me, but I'm sure it'll trickle down.

I now have a bicycle - two in fact. I've made it to the fringes of Denver in day trips and to Boulder on a $17 thrift store bike. I just bought fixed wheel bike and I love it. I find the intense concentration needed for urban riding with a very Dangerous bike, which a fixie in traffic can be, not so much of a big deal - skateboarding has given me two things: great peripheral vision and amazing reflexes to changes in my own movement, changes to my environment and very subtle sounds. Skateboarding also led me to a bum right knee. If you listen carefully, you can hear the cartilage slip-slide past itself in less than graceful manner. I should say, could have, as - miraculously enough, it doesn't seem to be much of a problem. A year ago, I could not ride a bike without intense pain under my kneecap - as if someone was pulling something through it. That hasn't happened. Yet. And it's not like I'm just cruising around at the park - I'm riding 50+ mile tours on shitty bikes. I'm calling it a miracle, or a second change, or karma, or positive thinking - anything you want. I'm grateful. I now know how people want to feel in wheelchairs, lusting to walk again. I'm taking safegaurds. I think I've basically said, "goodbye" to street skating: catching yourself in a controlled fall does not make for happy knees. I'm sticking to the big bowl at the skate park, where, with the correct kneepads, I think you can do some... less bad to your knees. I don't want to ever quit skating, but I'm willing to work with what my body is now capable of doing. I'll leave the flippy tricks to people who weigh less than my (svelte) 175lbs.

It's been fun adalexg one's life to not having a car. I sweat and I sort of like it now - not so worried about other people and my wetness. Whatever.

Riding in the street has been an eye-opener. I don't think there's been a day yet that I haven't almost been hit. Never been because I went through a red light - it's just general traffic - i.e.: the other person's was at fault - they violated a simple traffic law, the kind that's covered in the driving manual. And you know what? You find that the majority of people do. Violate traffic laws. And they do, because they can. People think of themselves, not of other people, especially when they're in a large car, sealed off from their environment - people outside cannot see you, and they are, what, 200 times as heavy as a fellow biker? It's a power trip for people - the entire concept of a car: you put yourself in something and you become that thing. It's very American I think. You are what you own. When you get rid of things, a funny thing happens - you realize that your possessions can own you. It's not something you can teach, you have to experience it, sadly.

I've come to a very real, and direct example where my life is at danger because of the stupidity and close-mindedness of others. Bikes are allowed on roads - actually are required to be on roads - many drivers don't know this.

Something inside me thinks that something should be done about it and if it's gonna be me that does it, it's gonna be me. Critical Mass? I'm there next month - which is what, Halloween weekend? Perfect.

But I need something else. I've never been one to tell people how to act, I've always been the one to set a good example and allow people to see how well I get about. That's not going to work if I'm dead from a stupid accident. Education comes to mind. I thought about making pamphlets to pass out to fellow motor-vehicle drivers whom came close to killing me. Something that's very well designed, easy to read, lots of information, does not put down driving or cars, but states clearly the rights of bicyclists and perhaps a little bit on how it's a good idea to ride a bike, cause, "wow!" look how fun it is for us!

I'm applying my personal skills to the problem: I know I can be a good communicator, a good writer - I can lay me out some type and I know I can pass this pamphlet far and wide. It's possible. This solution has its own problem: would you like a pamphlet - even a well-written, neutral, clever one, right after you, (from your perspective), had some dirty little punk get in your way while trying to make a right turn from the left lane? No - you probably would kill someone if they gave you a helpful guide of information. Because - no one wants to be told they're wrong. And that's why I always go with the passive, "example" idea. But I don't think that's enough. Maybe this same bundle of information can be put near where cars and car owners congregate - gas stations, parking lots - you can put them on your chained up bike and have them available while eating breakfast. Passing them out while in a situation where you almost got hit is not the correct mind set for either biker or driver, as been pointed out to me (thanks!).

So, it may still work. I've been reading A People's History of the United States of America - if I could buy ten copies of that book and give it to anyone who promises to read it - I would. The distribution of an idea can be done in many ways, and if done right, can change people's opinions. I've learned from my own projects that people do not have an opinion on many things - if they're not familiar with the subject, they'll default to a pretty conservative view, no matter what the matter is at hand. And that's the problem - not misinformation, but lack of ANY information.

So, I'm going to experiment with applying my artistic skills for a greater good. If I can make people believe I'm famous, I can make people be a bit more careful when I'm riding my bicycle. What else can I do? Could I guerrilla warfare it?

Stencil giant, "Bike Lane" icons on regular car lanes? Yes, I could. Take a cue from, "Snowcrash" and make giant, hard-to-get-off stickers that say something like, "bad driver" and stick them on cars that almost kill me? Maybe, but destroying private property may be out of line. Still a good idea.

It's something I think I should take responsibility over and I'm still formulating ideas.

I applied for a passport today. Not for any real reason, but I'm never going to make plans to visit other countries without one in tow. I'm going to Boston, CT, NYC next month. No real reason. Hopefully Vancouver next month. Hawaii the month after? We'll see. Out of here though, out of being stuck. Travel. Learn. Travel. Learn.

Not to backtrack, but since starting to bike ride, I've gotten into a pretty fit state. I've also started running. I joined a gym. I eat mountains of food, but it's fairly good food. I feel good. I'm happy about that. People make comments to that affect. I don't really see anything physically different, but it's nice. Thank you.

I still work for myself. Somehow, it keeps going on. Too much business for one person, but I don't complain. Never complain. Work smarter, not harder. Keep going. Push.

I think that's all I want to wonder about right now. I did this almost a year ago, but then, it was for someone else. This time, I'm looking inside for myself. I think it's better that way. I'm improving for myself, not to fit someone else. That was an idiotic reason. I'm way too strong for something like that. Foolish ways are a sign of a curious mind though. And curiosity is a great way to learn. Just remember to learn, or you'll always stay the fool.