I had strong feelings that I was going to be offered a job starting this January. Receiving this job would have validated my entire college experience. The job wouldn't pay much, would take even more of my receding free time, but I would have loved it. A job I would have loved: that doesn't happen much. It's the reason why I work for myself now - why I don't have a real job. I found out in overheard conversation that I didn't in fact get the job.
I also received word that I didn't win any of the school's scholarships. I passed in a drawing I actually invented the technique for its rendering, a huge mural (the slides of it at least) based on this drawing, a self portrait charcoal I drew using high tech consumer equipment and a process film of myself painting for 30+ hours. Fairly risky, highly experimental stuff. You know, interesting, different, unique: Good. I could have passed in three of these:
And been (cringe) more traditional, but I wanted the jury to think. They must have thought... I don't think they thought at all. Fuckers. I can draw or paint anything I want. I want to self realize that I can do more than draw pretty pictures. My life will not be the drawing of pretty pictures.
Life obliges me to do something, so I paint. Rene Magritte
I'm pretty sure I work best if I make everything some sort of project. My latest project is the, Paying Off My Debts Meta Project. It may be my most hardest project yet: paying my credit cards off, hosting bills, taxes (they owe me but still...), parking tickets,
etc,
etc,
etc.
But you know what? I feel happier right now than I can even remember because I am in love. It seems that this has happened in less time than I have ever experienced before, (all one other time) - less than a month! but it feels even better, more correct, natural; less controlling, less skewed, less like I was just a virgin that got short circuited by the first person that would have him.
I was driving around with Lauri Lynnxe Murphy while setting up the Andenken's booth at the 1st Annual Denver Art Expo. We drove through Larimer and Lauri told me that she used to live there, right on top of I think Joe's Liquors. I told her an anecdote about a time when Jack, half drunk and killing time before a show at the Larimer Lounge, asked the clerk and owner what the craziest thing he ever saw/did concerning a customer was. The location used to be really dangerous, he used to get robbed quite a bit. Before telling us, he looked at nothing in particular in the far off distance and told us of a time when he pulled a gun on someone who was trying to hold up the store. Jack asked if he shot him and the clerk denied.
"That's bullshit," Lauri explained. "He killed that guy. Total self defense of course, but no, that guy was murdered."
