April 23, 2000: there are no season transitions in colorado

I'm writing this on my back, looking up at the ceiling, the notebook shielding my eyes from Dhalia's study lights, but every so ofter this pen (the second one already) runs out of ink and I have to shake the pen wildly, (pens don't work upside down, not unless you have a spacepen, and Dhalia isn't an astronaut yet and my boss lost his spacepen the very day he received it for a christmas present for work at the carribean restaruant on pearl street boulder coorado usa.

Š I've given up writing on my back, now have to sit upright, lights glaring in my eyes, neck strained from today's activitiesas Dhalia sighs and huffs (she, right this moment is pissed that I broke her pen and wants this one back Š

On my third pen (uniball ONYX) maybe I'll tel you how my neck got ths strain in it, my back is sore, my knees are aching and my calves seem not to be able to relax.

Dhalia took me snowboarding in breckenridge today (easter sunday, the 23rd, I was born on easter sunday the 19th) the 19th fell on a wednesday, themiddle of the week and the middle of a barrage of tests and the like the engineering department likes to give budding engineers (like d) every month or two. that wednesday was just a normal day, I went to work, went home, slept till I got awoken up by telephone. picked that up, answered it thinking it was d, it was amy, talk:

"yes, no, movie? good, ok.

*click*

went to sleep til 7:30 pm.

.. Dhalia wants me to hand her her blue calculus book, I have the heatpad now, feels like a sleeve of fire in a wintery day back in wethersfield ct ...

went back to sleep till 7:00 pm where Dhalia comes to wake me up to go to the movie, we waited til 15 minutes after the movie started outside for amy and james, but they were a no show and my excitement was no show, me bein beat, not beat good, but out of beat out of phase, cranky listless, wanting sleep, coffee or passion, I got coffee, then got passion and went to sleep.

..neck getting stiffer, should be nice tommorrow, it feels like its made of some desert cheescake, almost gelatinous, but solid enough to keep my head up to write this and even I can't believe how many tangents I go through when I write these little things ...

Dhalia and I were supposed to leave on sunday 8 am for snowboarding, but on sunday 1 am I as wondering where D was, I was with her earlier tat day, we went to drop some techno water electricity experiment contraption to the labs in golder colorado and then off to the internation festival at theuniversity in boulder to meet up with Dhalias friend jeremy jeremy and Dhalia went to a play in dener as I skated, cleaned my dorm room, my clothes and myself. this is at 7, and lonesome boyfriends have a tendency to wonder what their significant other are doing with their ex polyamorous boyfriend away from my sights. I get frazzled when they go out together, I have the highest of clouds trust for Dhalia but not a hop for jeremy. I don't know jeremy that well, but I know jeremy's lack of a reputation as well as I know these faces at the campus coffee shop that tell me about him.

I only know what other people say about him, true, but I hear it from the correct people, last week as I woked from dozing at 10 pm at Dhalia's who was on the phone with a fort collin's friend talking abot why jeremy was even in colorado he moved to austrailia) I admit I was just waking up, the bedroom dor was closed, and I heard only half the conversation, but his story went alittle like this:

Jeremy left for australia in november with a few people and a bit of a money making scheme (we all know how wel money making schemes go...) the idea was to figure out what country was going to get hit hardest by the Y2K bug and then invest heavily in a company that fixes Y2K problems. out of the 200 or so countries in the world, they pick australia, where sheep hearding and the unusual wine making are never and will never be mission critical of the time some computer saysa it really is, 1900 or 2000, each profession is more than twice the age of the dates. as long as we know how to grow seeds and plow the soil...

jeremy and friends moved to australia to make this idea happen, perhaps they were the company that would fix the Y2K problems, it doesn't make sense to move 10,000 miles (half a world away) to _invest_ in another company , but jeremy doesn't make sense anyways, the clock struck twelve and neither cinderella's ball gown disappear nor did austaralia heave a wired smoking digital cry for help. they lost all their money and jeremy was stuck in australia doing the odd computer or modern dance job until he met this wild women/man .. person with loads of cash (millions!) and the friendship enough to share it.

so he, with her.. him (its very clear what the person was, probably both?, it doesn't matter) took a trip back to america (california. las vegas... colorado... ) jeremey using what little money he had left for both of them, with the promise he would be paid back and be able to borrow some of the friend's money. after the escapade across the US, jeremy's friend flew back to austrailia still with promises of payment and on jeremy's tab. after being a continent and an ocean away, the friend changed her mind faster than a census report answer and was now not going to pay jeremy back, nor give him Alan.

so jeremy was poor in colorado in his parent's house at age 26. that is my intro to jeremy, who at this time Is working on a masters for applied science. I don't see him as stupid, he's far more intelligent sensitive, but maybe just has a different view on life, as me, one of them being the idea of what a relationship is and means and that makes me nervous when he's around someone I care about deeply and give all my trust to. I couldn't even kiss Dhalia good-bye when they left for the play on saturday, and was making myself sick with speculative worry at 1am sunday reading Desolation Angels in my dorm room with painted toenails and no shirt.

of course (sigh) nothing romantically tragic happened between them, Dhalia was a little disgruntled about his attitude that day, the ride from Auora to Boulder didn't help.

Dhalia told me to wake er up at 8:30 am in case the alarm didn't, we woke imp at 9:30, Dhalia's hand too fast, hitting the off button on the alarm, to jostle her out of bed (I never heard the alarm) so we could go snowboarding (see what I mean? tangents in my sleepy story everywhere, its either I don't write enough or when I do, it just comes out in this burst of coiling zig zaggery, but I like to write spontaneously, and changing what words the ink has already spilled in the paper defeats the purpose. I just wish I'd write sometime not half asleep from _living_ these recent memories as sometimes I feel I'm racing the brain, telling my hand what to put down and my eyelid wanting to shut down and have my whole body rest in peace. there's the rub I guess, I either halfway write what I do or write beautifully about what I don't)

we finally get on the breckenride slopes around one, the conditions are that of an extremely al spring day, (horrible) but I'm not complaining, as my lift ticket is a present from her and I'll go snowboarding for free in august sand dunes if so inclined.

the snow differs wildly in all parts of the mountain, some parts, slushy, all signs of new snow are marred by the 45 degrees thermometer reading. it must have snowed the previous days, the top trails had drifts of soft, wetpowder, looking like soap suds in the kitchen sink (or on the kitchen floor, if you were one of those lucky kids that got baths in the kitchen sink when you were just a wee one) but more like wet tapioca (I hates tapioca) in weight. you try to go down the trail (its so high, your snowboaring in a cloud! you can't see anything, the cloud is white, the snow is white, the light is white, you think that taking your goggles off would impale your situation, but snow and cloud mist just acct. as a million different mirrors, deflection light everywhere a thousand times again, so your better off with almost no direction with sight then total snow blindness) your snowboard shovels into the snow, stopping our whole momentum or you catch the side of you board, skipping you into somersaults, flips and pikes - the best one for me that day was a double somersault after I attempted a jump - I landed on my neck and seemed to do so again and again until my neck is in the pain it is now as I write this facing Dhalia struggling, finishing her work. the snow was so much like swiss cheese, full of holes to get trapped in and stuck, the surface had a suction to it, momentum and gravity seemed to bring you down the mountain, but it was as if you where on a 50 feet wide and 2 mile long conveyer belt going up.

the whole unworkings of my snowboard stressed my body so the free ride down the mountain turned into a fight to get enough speed to slither back to the lift (to do it again of course!)

but all was fun, snow isn't like that always so might as take advantage of different things. falling into 3 feet of wet snow isn't as bad as hitting sheer ice and more laughs echoed the slopes than cries for help or tears.

Dhalia and I looked for my brother after snowboarding to mooch food off him, but he skipped work to go (?) and we went to the closest bar b q place to chow down. and get ready for rush hour on the only highway out of the mountains, stopping in idaho springs for coffee to make it back to boulder to do homework and maybe write a bit.