or, a typical boring day at college
 i woke up today about 9:30. I had this horrible dream that i lost my hat. my lucky red hat. ok, it wasn't lucky at all, it was just a red lookout records baseball hat with two guys carrying this big sign. one of the guy's face was all deformed, so my hat actually is a reject.
well, i got up and started looking for my hat without my glasses and trying not to wake up my roomate who stayed up all night studying, which meant i stayed up all night watching him study,
trying to annoy myself by listening to the last part of
mail order is still fun,
tossing and jerking about in my twin bed.
trying to get my 6' 1" frame to fit in that bottom bunk, listening to the rumble hum of the arctic king fan as it dromed through the happy ska tunes and
blankly staring at our new a clockwork orange poster that my roomate (hayden) and i decided to split (3 dollars each) even after finding out the HUGE size wasn't available. i sold a skateboard deck out of desperation and quickly used the dinero
(notice the mexican influence) to buy a poster and a clockwork orange t shirt.
but anyways, after totally dissing my hat, (i'm sure hats don't have feelings) i found it in my pants drawer. i put it on to hide my scraggly hair. i need a major haircut, but ten dollars a chop is alittle too pricy for me. i should ask this army guy that cuts his own hair in my dorm to give me a trim, but i'd be too temped to get a mohawk and use the jello from the cafe to spike it up, but thats just me.I went to get some food anyways.
the dining hall that i usually go to has an entrance two doors from my dorm room door. but its never open for breakfast. ever. so i have to go all the way to the east side of the dormitory to get a freakin bagel. I checked what they had for the special this fine day. mini muffins... strawberry sauce.. thats it. outraged, and about to pile into some vegan lucky charms, (gotta pick all the marshmellows out) i saw my love, oatmeal. a huge mucky scoop of that, a bit of raisins, some soy milk... they don't have any. they always have some. oh well, skim milk it is.
once i saw this student change the milks. the milk in the dining halls comes in these two gallon bags. the bottom of the bag has a little straw. the bag sits inside this metal deal and you pull up on the lever and magic! *moo juice*. i used to have the same job, for one day. and then i thought all my artsy creative talents were, (sigh) just going to waste and my feet hurt anyways.
you refill these deals when there's just a drop of milk in them. this kid i'm talkin about decides to refill it when there was about 1/2 gallon in the bag. it didn't look it, but being in food services now goin towards four years, i know these things. he got that little straw out of the machine, and some thing broke, milk went everywhere. on him, on the floor, onto the juice bar. i know so explicitly cause my seat was the closest to the action. i was talkin to two girls who sat at my table, looking a bit tired. one of them goes:
"so, did you stay in line for the tickets?"
"tickets?" i say
"for the football game, we stayed up all night in the rain to get the tickets!"
"football game? ahh waiting all night for your tickets, something you'll remember for a long time eh?"
"hell no, i want to forget that day, i'm still soaked, but we got them"
i'm one of those people who had no school spirit in highschool, and avoided at all cost any insignia or symbol of the university of colorado as i bought one notebook and one packet of filler paper i bought at the school bookstore. the conversation got old fast. so i told them i used to be on the football team in highschool (again, maybe for a day) and on the track team (ok, this time i was in it for like a month) and that i was a natural and first seed and all that (which is true) i think one of them asked why i don't do something now, i think i just shrugged and said i gotta go to anthropology.
but that was a week ago. i want to talk about today. i got back to my dorm and noticed that there was underwear sticken from the bottom of my pants. must have gotten misplaced from laundry, the previous day.
 i hate doing laundry. i never have enough quarters, and the change machine is either out of change, the very reason its there, or its being its regular anal self and doesn't dig your portrait of george washington. this laundry day was especially annoying because i decided finally to wash my snowboard bag. which, since theres no snow (and since i haven't gotten my paycheck sent to me by my parents that was earned in july) and my snowboard is still at home, my red burton bag may just always fill the role of a sweaty, stinky keeper of the garments that need to be sacrificed to the soap gods.
but one time, i kept my tide ultra in there, and it somehow leaked through a cracked top and all the soapy goodness encapsulated the inside of the bag, and overflow went onto the dorm floor, precariously to my bed, so everytime i got up, had to think about soapy death from slipping, and got out some other way.
so i put the snowboard bag into yet another bag and there it sat by the trash and our politically correct recycling bin for quite a many moons, but wash it, i did, with no extra soap, my eye hurting orange backpack, stinky skate pads, and a big metal belt i didn't know was in the mix until after it was done. i'm, glad i found that belt cause i've been going commando and these skater jeans engulf my puny body. there not that big, i take a 32 and there a 34, but i wear birth control tight dickies, so jeans are plentiful whatever the fit.
the 35 minutes were up for the board bag and friends, i opened up the washing machine, but all i saw were suds, there must have been quite a bit of the soapy stuff. so grumbling and cursing i paid for one more ride on the ol turn and spin.
but i got that underwear off me and got ready to shower only they were in the midst of cleaning the showers. so i drew a self portrait of me kickflopping a girl in the parking lot. its gonna be called "over appreciated" see its a little play on words, i'm goin over a girl i appreciate. ok, you get it. once i have access to a scanner, i'll post it. half way through my little self nod, the smell, of well shit, empowered our little nook. i thought it came from the bathroom, as hayden clued me in, someone lost control upstairs and that very smell mystically appeared.
so we closed the door. bad idea. the smell was from outside. the antarctic blast was pummeling us with the odorous prescense. they were fertilizing the grass. its gonna start snowing here in a month or so. "till the very end" must be tattooed on every lawn care professional on campus.
so we opened the door again. the mix of bleach and ammonia from the bathroom cleaners, and buffalo shit from our lovely school mascot led me to one thing, eats.
well, more out of nead, since i have a class at 12:30, and by the time i get out, the dining hall would be closed. the smell of fried chicken got into the mix, and nothing sets a vegetarian's heart aflame then that trinity of siren perfumes. we have a vegan cafe, but its way over on the other side of the.. ok, its across the street. but i needed to shower still. so i made a meager cheese sandwhich and ate it. i usually make a horribly large cheese sandwhich, sampling from all the poperri of a selection we get here at the dorms, american, swiss, chedder, provolone, orange american... i bring it back to my dorm, nuke it for two minutes, and just do my best impression of homer simpson as i chow down to dairy goodness. hmmm bovine growth hormone... this time a made a less than adequate pb + j and scampered out.
the only class i have today is world music asia.
i dunno either.
last week we learned about the austrailian degeredoo. (read: world music asia) today we studied the phillipines, we watched a keechy video on the music and dance. the second part of it delt with new westernized song and dance, it had phillipino people dressed in spainish influenced cowboy hats, dancing with bamboo sticks, to a beat of guitars and gongs. it was seriously screwed up.
but a day closer to my major in fine arts and minor in computer science i suppose. after that awakening of both mind and spirit, i was to meet with hayden to go to art hardware, this cool art supply store, but i didn't meet up with him, i had to go to the DMV to get a photo id to get a credit card since i have about 15 dollars to my name and i was praying to buhdda that that was enough to get an id.
i got to the bus station near pearl street and asked the man:
"how do i get to the DMV?"
"umm," (asking someone else) "its on the corner of iris and 28th"
"is that near?"
"What?" (hes standing four feet away from glass thats between us, think he would have figured the dynamics of sound and its limitations)
"is it near?"
"no, not really, do you have car?"
ok, usually when your in the context of a bus station asking an attendent how to get somewhere, namely a place where you purchase a license, your expecting something like:
"take the 208 bus, it'll be right there," (point and smile) "in ten minutes."
which after some haggling, i got but before that, the conversation was:
"take the 205, it'll take you straight to... oh you just missed it while talking to me."
got off at the correct stop. all the street names are either flowers or numbers. better than names of the people who first took the native american's land and settled in england's name like in wethersfield, ct. bunch of wussy painters and such.. couldn't handle it in the old country. i didn't know where the dmv was, cause i've only lived here like 3 weeks, so give me some slack. i was expecting a big building, cause my hometown had in it the state department of motor vehicles. not one week went by without someone asking me where the dmv was and me giving erroneous directions. but after searching around the whole complex, i saw the dumbest, plainest sign that just read: DRIVERS LICENSE
ok
went in line, two high school ambercrombie bleached hair hoochies somehow cut me and four other people but my turn at last.
"i'd like to get a photo id."
"Do you have an id on you, Drivers Licence?"
again, where am i? why would i need a photo id if i had a driver's license??? i took out my school photo id..
"i'm sorry thats not goin to do. do you have a birth certificate?"
i did. i took that out, with two pieces of mail with my address on it and my social security card that i lost three months in an indoor climbing gym and only retrieved it two days before i moved for just such an occasion.
"ok, um, this isn't the right birth certificate. i'll give you a number you can call in connecticut to have them send you out one. i expressed mail mine, it came in like two days, no problem."
"oh, how did you pay for it? credit card?" (a nod) "yeah, oh i can't do that cause i don't have a photo id to get a credit card. she smiled and quickly looked away for the info while i pointed at my birth certificate and showed her my small footprints. she told me about a two pound baby in her family with feet (putting her index finger and thumb an inch apart, squinting her eye through the hole) this big i got out of there sans the id and feeling alittle less special in relation to my childhood.
i got back to the dorm and called, or tryed to call up the hospital in connecticut. but i lost my long distance number id. how? cause it was printed on a flimsy, card made out of paper, like all my other important names, dates, and really super important info. so i reached for the mini campus phone book to look for the information technology service's (the phone guys) number. wasn't there. the phone companie's number wasn't there. thats almost as much of a slap in the face as asking what i should do about my broken phone at the front desk and them giving me a number to the repair shop. i thought thinking was allowed in school. so i walked there. and back. dialed the 16 or so digits i had to make the 15 cent a minute call to ct to get my damn birth certificate. it better be made out of imported ivory and gold if the one i have is worthless.
it began to ring.. got a recording:
"public state records are closed to the public, please call your local town office, the number is located in the connecticut blue--"
#slam#
dial another 16 digits...
"mom, i need a big favor, for some retarded reason, the birth certificate you sent me doesn't work. i need to get another one, from the hospital, but the hospital is closed or something, so you'll have to get it for me, and can you place rush it? i need it like last week, cause without it, i can't get an id, which means i can't get a credit card, which means i'm screwed!?"
"i'll try"
"yeah"
#click#
i wouldn't push this money thing so much, but i have less then half of my books needed for my classes, so i thought i little help from my parents would have been nice. i am screwed. judging by my mother's track record, i'm not seeing that certificate any time soon.
so i flipped through my quite incomplete campus directory, to get the number of the campus credit union, wow. when it coems to money, they always have it.
union: "oh, this is for loans, you have to go to the umc to get an account."
so i walked there. and back. they were closing, it was 4 pm. but walking there, i realized another fine tid bit, i don't even have enough money to open the simplist of accounts. i was about to hit something or start using hard core, mind altering drugs, or go to that sick and twisted animation festival where they show gross and perverted cartoons, lots of them.
i still don't have my
computer
. there's problems with the dual monitor setup. idunno, and he won't send me it till its fixed. by that time, i'll need an upgrade. i emailed the guy today, told him to send it broken or not, now, right now, now now now. checked my mail at 5, still no response. another thing i'm never gonna see. i was about to go to the mac store two blocks away and spend an ungodful amount of money on a g4, but alas, no credit card,
heh.
but i get to start a new fangled web making position job tommorow, (wow, stuff i do now, just now it sustains me? what a concept!?) that pays awfully good i think, i'll have my own mac workstation, and a dress code thats non-existant. i'll be happy and full of books when i get my pay check.... in two weeks, and midterms are in.. four.
god, i'm hungry. i only get to eat three very schedualed times a day. i usually graze around, eat 7 times a day, (super fast metabolism) so that really puts an ache in the stomach.
 i just returned from the dining hall, i was so pissed off, i sneaked out with 3 oranges, 1 apple, 4 bananas, and tabasco sauce. the fruit of my labor. or the fruit of my loom as i sneaked them out under my pants (remember, i'm goin commando) ala the movie kids, the scene where they're stealing forties, movies not a bad influence at all...
worse comes to worse, i can go to pearl street before work and trade my fruit with all the hippies. we have so many 'tree hugging'
hippies here, boulder is used as an adjective. "wow, saving that river from damming, thats very boulder of you." whatever. i knew i was goin to be poor. i just didn't know there was going to be so many wankers that i have to go through to ask for "help!" and have them all say "no". maybe i'll round them all up and give them jobs that fit their qualifications, like hard manual labor. plants some trees around here, that'll be real boulder of me.
yeah.
-a.s.
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